


Love Never Dies

by danfaz94



Series: Spander Canon [2]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Closeted Character, Gay, Gay Character, Gay Male Character, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Non-Canon Relationship, Nudity, Vampires, Xander Harris-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-18 21:59:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14222667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danfaz94/pseuds/danfaz94
Summary: Xander Harris left his fiancée at the altar and has spent the time since then getting drunk in order to forget about his problems. However, there's one person who he knows he needs to talk to: Spike. The two shared an unforgettable experience one night two years previously and Xander needs to confront him about it. But how exactly does the vampire feel about him? SEQUEL TO "AFTER DARK"





	Love Never Dies

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to my previous work "After Dark" in which Xander and Spike had sex during the Season 4 episode Hush. Like that story, this work keeps all canon from the show and simply adds a hypothetical scenario which is used to explain the hostility between the two featured characters. This story takes place between the Season 6 episodes Normal Again and Entropy. Xander has left Anya at the altar and punched Spike in the graveyard - the narrative here picks up shortly afterwards.

It wasn’t the first time that week that Xander found himself stumbling through the streets of Sunnydale whilst under the influence of alcohol, but it was the first time that he wasn’t heading home after leaving the bar. Instead, he had another destination in mind. He’d been thinking about a certain person all week and was determined to talk to them. Maybe it was the booze talking or maybe he had finally grown a spine.

To say that the last few weeks had been rough would be an understatement. He had effectively ruined not only his own life, but that of those around him – of those closest to him. He would never forgive himself for leaving Anya at the altar. Xander had known since the minute he proposed that he had made the wrong decision in declaring his love for someone who he knew was not his soulmate. But he’d gone along with it for his own selfish reasons, effectively stringing a poor young woman along and leaving her with a broken heart.

And then there was Buffy. She had been going through severe depression since the Scooby Gang had resurrected her and she’d made it no secret that one of things keeping her going was the fact that Xander and Anya were an example of true love. That was all blown to hell now. Only a few days ago she had tied him up in her basement along with Dawn and Willow because she thought this reality wasn’t real. Sure, it turned out that a demon’s poison was behind this, but Xander couldn’t help feeling like maybe she left more vulnerable to such an attack due to his actions.

So now here he was, barely able to walk properly and stuffing his face in a feeble attempt to fill the empty void inside him with food. He shoved the last of the burger he’d picked up from the Doublemeat Palace into his mouth and prayed that he wasn’t sick. The odds about that weren’t looking good.

Finally, he reached his destination: The Sunnydale Cemetery.

Trying hard not to crash into any of the tombstones, Xander wobbled across the uneven terrain and hoped that he had missed the peak time for creatures of the night to start jumping out of him. There was only one demon he was here to see: Spike.

He and the bleach-blond vampire had had a rather turbulent relationship of late. It was never stellar, but lately it had taken a violent turn. They had all been in the graveyard as normal when Spike started making jibes about him ditching his fiancée. Xander could deal with that, it was normal behaviour from him. But then Spike had called him a “pathetic poof” and that wound cut deep. In retaliation, Xander punched Spike right in the face. He regretted it deeply and hoped that Spike could forgive him. Surely he must’ve known that it would provoke a reaction. After all, what they had done together that night – over two years ago – was something that creates a certain bond between two people.

Xander made it to Spike’s Crypt without sustaining an injury, which he considered nothing short of a miracle. He decided to forgo knocking and instead barged in.

The living area was empty, so he surmised that he must be in his bedroom. There was a hole in the floor that lead to an underground cavern. This was part of the town’s extensive network of tunnels, which Xander was thankfully used to operating and so he didn’t get lost.

Spike was asleep in bed, completely naked. Xander felt a familiar flutter in his chest at the mere sight of him and immediately cleared his throat loudly to make his presence known.

Spike stirred and slowly opened his eyes. He looked up and muttered, ‘Bloody hell, what do you want?’

‘You know what.’

‘Here to punch me again?’ he asked, sitting up.

Xander sighed. ‘No. And, err, I’m sorry about that.’

‘You’re forgiven. Now piss off.’

‘Spike...’

The vampire raised his eyebrows. ‘Are you drunk?’

‘I’ve had some, err... some beer. But that’s not... that’s not why I’m here.’

‘Then what is it? Hurry up, will you? I wanna get back to sleep sometime this century.’

‘Two years ago,’ Xander said. ‘You remember what happened.’

Spike pretended to look as though he was deep in thought. ‘Two years ago... let me think. Well, you were still living in your mum and dad’s basement... I think I had to stay there at some point...’

‘Stop it,’ Xander said. ‘You know damn well what we did.’

‘Yeah, we shagged. Big deal.’

‘Big deal? My God, try freaking huge deal. Try, oh I don’t know – the Bermuda Triangle of deals. Do you have any idea how much that night meant to me? It changed my life. How I feel, how I act...’

‘For Christ sake,’ Spike groaned. ‘Look, I hate to break it to you, but you just had a bloke’s knob shoved up your arsehole – you didn’t cure cancer. Get over it.’

‘Get over it? I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it... about you.’

‘Oh, is that why you got engaged to your little ex-vengeance demon? Because she reminded you so much of me?’

‘I was trying to cover my tracks. I thought if I married Anya then I’d forget about you. I was wrong. I can’t stop thinking about... about the night we made love.’

‘Make love?’ Spike snorted. ‘We didn’t make love, you stupid git. We fucked, that’s it.’

Xander shook his head. ‘No, you don’t get to do this. You don’t get to... get to just write it off as something that just... that just happened. You felt something for me, I know you did.’

‘Now I know you had more than some beer. Go home.’

‘No!’ Xander shouted. He paused, letting the tension die down a bit. ‘You’re not gonna tell me what to do. You’re gonna listen, you got that?’

Spike smirked and got to his feet. ‘Well, well, well... has little Xander finally grew a pair?’ He unscrewed a bottle of rum from the side of his bed and poured himself a glass. ‘Go on then, enlighten me. This should be interesting.’

‘The night we...’ he took a deep breath. ‘The night we had sex, I didn’t know how to feel. I enjoyed it, but I hated myself. I fucking detested what I’d let myself do. But I couldn’t deny that it was what I wanted. And I wanted to do it again. And every time I’ve seen your face since then, it’s been everything in my power not to act on those urges.’

‘But, Anya –’

‘I love Anya,’ Xander insisted. ‘I might not, I don’t know – I might not be **in** love with her, but I do care about her. A lot. But she doesn’t make me feel the way you do. When I think back to that night... the way you felt, the way you smelled, the way you tasted... do you have any idea how many times I’ve wanted nothing more than to burst through these doors and kiss you?’

‘Then why didn’t you, eh? Why’s it taken two years, a failed wedding and I’m guessing about twenty units of alcohol for you to actually have the balls to say something?’

‘Because I’m a coward!’ Xander screamed. Tears had started to trickle down his face, but he didn’t care. ‘Is that what you want to hear? Because I was scared to tell my friends, to tell my family... to tell myself. I thought if I got in deep then I could block it all out. Guess I was wrong.’

Spike put his glass down. ‘You really are a bloody idiot.’

‘I know,’ Xander said, wiping his eyes. ‘It’s funny, but I nearly said something. When Willow came out and everyone just accepted it, I thought about doing it myself.’

‘So why didn’t you?’

‘Because that was different. Willow was with Tara. They’re a normal couple. Sure, there might be some people who don’t like them, but they’re accepted. Me? Sure, I could go out and try and get some other guy. But I knew that I didn’t wanna settle for that. I wanted you. And that would never be accepted.’

Spike gave him a look and Xander wasn’t sure whether or not it was pity. Not that he cared much. He was definitely someone that most people probably pitied. His life was effectively a joke.

There was a few seconds of silence, the Spike spoke. ‘Take your clothes off.’

Xander laughed with derision. ‘Look, Spike, I get that I just told you a whole bunch of stuff that probably got you feeling all horny, but –’

‘I don’t mean like that,’ Spike interjected. ‘You don’t even have to get fully naked if you don’t want. I just meant get comfortable. I just meant... join me. Come to bed.’

‘I –’

‘Xander,’ Spike said, in a tone that was firm but also strangely soothing. ‘Please.’

Xander had only once heard him speak with such a soft touch before and that was the night they’d had sex. His mind was suddenly transported back to that moment of bliss and it was if his heart had skipped a beat.

‘Okay,’ he said finally, and he started to undress.

The last time he had gotten naked with Spike, he’d been extremely self-conscious. He wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or just the fact that he’d done it before, but this time he felt no such worries. This time, he felt comfortable.

When he had finally removed every item of clothing, Spike walked over to him. They hadn’t been so close to each other in so long that Xander felt like sobbing, but he didn’t. Instead, he offered Spike a weak smile, which was returned. Then Spike gently ran his hand through Xander’s hair and they shared a tender kissed.

‘You’re still a nummy treat,’ Spike whispered.

Xander managed to laugh. ‘Shut up.’

‘You shut up,’ Spike grinned. ‘Come on, you’re gonna get cold.’

The two of them got into bed and pulled the covers up so that they could get settled in. It was a warm and snug bed, the kind that Xander imagined must be heaven to fall asleep in each night. Spike extended his arm over the pillow next to him, allowing Xander to cosy up next to him and put his head on his chest. There was no heartbeat of course, but this surprisingly didn’t unnerve Xander like it might once have done. He was just thankful to have gotten this opportunity. It was probably the only time it was going to happen.

‘This is never gonna work out, is it?’ Xander sighed. ‘Me and you, I mean.’

‘No, I don’t think so.’

‘Life sucks.’

‘Yeah, well the afterlife isn’t much better.’

Xander gave a short chuckle. ‘You’re such a tool.’

‘You can talk,’ Spike smirked.

‘At least we’ve got tonight, right?’ Xander said, raising his head to look at his vampire in the eyes.

Spike looked down at him. ‘Right.’

Xander smiled and snuggled back into Spike’s chest. Part of him still wanted to cry over the fact that he was never going to get the life he wanted with the man he truly loved. But deep down, he had come to accept this over the course of two years.

Buffy was who Spike was in love with and Xander couldn’t blame him. She was perfect, everything Xander couldn’t be. The two men had shared something incredibly beautiful together that one night in the basement, but that was all it was destined to be. One shining moment. And Xander would always the memory of happened. He could never forget – it would stay with him for the rest of his life. Perhaps one perfect experience of pure pleasure was all we could really ask for in this life.

The vampire had fallen asleep, his arms holding his male guest close to him. Xander could feel himself starting to drift off, too. He’d have to get dressed quickly in the morning and leave for work. After that, he could never return. This killed him a little bit to admit, yet it was inevitable.

In the end, Xander was just glad he got the opportunity for this one last special night with Spike.


End file.
